So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
