im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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