Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Houston, we have a blender
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
