defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
