she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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