there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
