he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
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In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
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We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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