Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
