she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Sorry my hands just texted you
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
