You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
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I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
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The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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