i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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