This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
