My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
