Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
