I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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