Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
