Me too!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
