Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
