All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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