I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
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I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
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Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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