The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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