Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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