Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
