i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
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You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
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I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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