some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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