I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
