based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
