Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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