Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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