I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
