I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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