I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
