So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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