she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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