I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just high enough for therapy.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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