i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
