i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
