There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
