proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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