It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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