My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize