i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just tell him i said nine months
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
