No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
