escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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