i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
