Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
