Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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