Small penises have feelings too.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
