Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
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You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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