im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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