it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I need to calm my uterus...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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