At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
