Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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