I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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