Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
where does the pee come out of this thing
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
