She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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