as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
