question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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