I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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