fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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