Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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