i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
