I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
