Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
