I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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